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Life Goal Accomplished

Well, folks…not often does one get to announce that a life-long dream has been fulfilled. I am a living testimony to the fact that dreams can come true (as long as you consistently harass whoever is the keeper of your dream and says “no” to the little voice of reason in your head that keeps telling you to “stop”). The Travel Channel is finally following me on twitter. Yep, this is big folks. This is one step closer to the mega-dream of them actually viewing my audition tape  and that is one step closer to the mind-altering dream of them giving me my own Travel Channel show. Like that girl sang in that old movie, “Someday, over the rainbow…all your dreams will come true” or something like that…well, I believe in finding that rainbow, jumping on the red stripe, and following that baby all the way to the other side and snatching that dream like there’s no tomorrow!

OPENING WEEK of My Life

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen…the story you all have been waiting for: the ins and outs of the amazing life of yours truly! Those jokesters over at Hard Hearted Hannah’s Playhouse (www.HardHeartedHannahsPlayhouse.com) are in the midst of their opening week of dinner theatre entertainment at Paula Deen’s The Lady & Sons Restaurant! This explosive comedy, “There’s a Bomb on Trolley 409!”, follows the day in the life of the world’s worst tour guide…you got it, that’s moi and proud of it! That amazing Savannah gal Ruby (http://www.facebook.com/RubyonStyle)  stopped on by this week for our opening night! She said this was the “Best food and play in Savannah…YOU MUST GO”…check out her full review and pictures at www.facebook.com/notes/ruby/if-you-live-in-savannah-or-visiting-savannah-yall-must-go-see-theres-a-bomb-on-t/10150126577051809!

Think you know more then me…name your city!

Think you know more then me…the world’s worst tour guide! Name your city and I will tell you something about you didn’t know! Check out http://www.facebook.com/ZekeofSavannah to see my amazing knowledge in response to “Phuket Thailand” and “Middlebury, VT”!

A Week that will Live in Infamy (and don’t ask where Infamy is)

This has been one bad, bad, baaad week for Zeke.  First, my boss Mitzi would not let me use Trolley 409 for the audition tape for the Travel Channel.  So I had to hoof it all over over town.  Not my style, know what I mean? And the shoot was a disaster, as I’m sure you know by now; it’s the laughingstock on Boob Tube or whatever they call it.  Naturally, I blame Captain Video for that.  He even brought his kid along and then I had to use the little nipper in the shoot!  I think the ol’ Captain’s just a stage door daddy, but, hey this is MY stage his sonny boy is hogging.  So for the next shoot–yeah, I’m going out again; need to redeem myself–I’m layin’ down some strict rules and regs; no wiggle room. 

So that was bad enough, but then a couple of days later, I get this weird call from some jerk with a heavy mideast accent claiming that he’s the world’s worst guide and he’s got the angry crowds to prove it.  Turns out that in the translation he got of “the world’s worst tour guide,”  that “tour guide” means “leader.”  Anyway, after he quieted down he said he was getting ready to make a career change after 30 years and was Hard Hearted Hannah’s Trolley Company hiring?  Hey, if this guy is as bad as he says, you think I’m letting him crowd my scene?  Sheesh!

But then here comes the clincher: Travel Channel was here–and DID NOT contact me!  Okay, maybe I should cut them some slack because they were actually at Doc’s Bar on Tybee Island, and once you hang out there for a while you kinda forget what you came for.  Frankly, I think they purposely came to my backyard and purposely did not contact me just to show me they’re not afraid to go toe-to-toe with me, hardball-wise. Fine, fine.  But how are they gonna go toe-to-toe if they don’t put their feet in Savannah?  All they got was a lotta sand in their shoes.  Well, all’s fair in love and TV host negotiations, I suppose.  Ask Conan O’Brien.

For the final indignity of the week, Mitzi put me on probation.  What for, you ask?  No, it wasn’t for insulting the passengers or falling asleep at the wheel again.  Nope, it was for saying in the audition tape that I work for her stupid trolley company.  You believe that?    So now I’m caught between a place and a hard rock, or whatever.

But hey, the darkest hour is always before the dusk, right?

Keep the face,

Zeke

Episode 1, “Audition Tape for Travel Channel”

The First of the Worst

People often ask me, “Zeke, they say you’re the world’s worst tour guide.  Isn’t it kind of hard to prove a negative?”  Yes, it is.  But this is a not a negative; it’s a positive.  My boss Mitzi, the owner of Hard Hearted Hannah’s Trolley Company, tells visitors to our fine city that when they get on board my Trolley 409, they’re gonna get the worst tour of Savannah, guaranteed.  May I say I have never yet failed to meet those expectations?  So there’s nothing negative about my status; it’s all good.  Mitzi says bookings have gone through the basement since I joined the team.

Which is why I’m a little puzzled that The Travel Channel has yet to contact me about a Savannah show hosted by yours truthfully.   Couldn’t they use a little ratings boost?  What are they afraid of?  My larger than life persona?  Sure, after my official unauthorized biography, “Zeke: Sleep Never Rests,” hits the bookstores, they may be a little intimidated by my success, but I’m not there–yet.  So why don’t they snap me up now before Oprah comes calling, huh?

If any of you reading this blob has any push with the powers that are over at TravChan, tell those bozos to contact me.  I’m ready to talk goose.  Look, I know Savannah like the back of my neck.  Nobody tells it like I do.  Not even me.

Tell you what, this weekend I’ll put together a little video and put it up on, whatchamacallit, BoobTube.  You’ll see what they mean when they call me “the world’s worst tour guide.”  And when The Travel Channel comes crawling, well, tell ‘em I’m still ready to talk, only the price may get a little steeper, know what I mean?  And–whoops, Mitzi’s calling!  Gotta saddle up 409. 

Keep the face,

Zeke